It’s that time of the year when Mean Girls are celebrating the fetchiness that has fetchly happened in all things fetch!
See what I did there? I bet no, because, that is just so fetch!
Or maybe you’re too smart to even notice that I’m acting like a dumb bitch here.
Since today is the Mean Girls’ Appreciation Day, and well, the day Cady succeeded on getting heartthrob Aaron Samuels’ attention, I’ll bring you the freshest and the REALEST news on the Plastics.
And no, it’s not written in the burn book. I’ll share it exclusively with you, losers!
1. First off, the Queen Bee
Who would forget that b*tch who was the bulimic and anorexic version of Rachel McAdams? Absolutely, no one. She’s the Queen! Everybody wants to sit with her–and be like her! After all, she was the ex-girlfriend of Aaron Samuels.
*until reality sinks in*
Regina George doesn’t even deserve a crown on her head, though. Look just how those overtreated locks would hold a symbol of power and royalty. Yikes! It might slide off in an instant and she’d definitely get her hair tangled.
And those eyebrows? Nah. Won’t even pass the test of Instagram famewhores. If she thinks size-zero girls are the ones who can only sit with her, then maybe she should hang out with the Kardashians and get a taste of her own medicine: Body Shaming.
Oh, how I’d love to be in the front seat and watch her getting blown away by their hot and massive derrière. I’m sure she’ll get extremely jealous and will grab the burn book as soon as she gets home.
SRSLY, though, where is she? Did she get home safely? Or she was run over by a bus?
Oh, she was recently spotted on the streets of L.A. Poor girl got no friends around her. She’s totally a loner now at her late 30s. Maybe she should reunite with the Plastics to keep up with her bitch fit? Or rekindle a romance with an ex.
2. The Dumb Bee
Despite being portrayed as the stupidest Plastic, Karen Smith has never failed to amaze people with her stereotypical-blonde-bombshell character. In other news, she’s so good at being a dumb b*tch. Especially that moment when she was being proud of her special talent.
Yeah, right. Maybe she should just push through with her stint in weather forecasting?
Oops. She literally pushed
up through with it.
I hope she finds happiness in what she loves doing. Looks like it anyway. And what about happiness in life? I guess she has found it already. Here’s how Amanda Seyfried a.k.a Karen Smith is doing now:
OMG! She’s engaged. ❤
But why does she look sad? Maybe it's not the smartest decision she's ever made in her life, because, look at that ring.
It’s just a simple gold band.
3. The Gossip Girl
Before there was Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodsen, there was Regina George and Gretchen Wieners. Gretchen is the not-so-pretty sidekick, wing woman, and gossipmonger of the Plastics’ Queen, Regina.
Well, scratch that. Wieners wasn’t even the nicest member of the Plastics and Regina doesn’t deserve a best friend so let’s just call them–nothing.
Flashing RBF is her thing and squealing “that is so fetch“ irks me a lot. Oh, please, Gretchen, can you not? You’re not even pretty at all.
And she thinks everything is about her.
She’s perfect, irregardless of her flaws.
But now, the spotlight has been taken away from her as Lacey Chabert, Gretchen IRL, just gave birth to a baby girl! Well, that’s what I’ve heard.
How fetch is that?
4. The Mastermind
Cady Heron’s plan was to ruin Regina George’s life. How would she do that if she’s new and she just moved from Africa? Not to mention…
But, we all have seen her replaced Regina in her throne despite her bad breath and freckles. Cady even stole Regina’s ex, Aaron. Well, Regina should feel lucky her and Aaron had broken up because he had a breath fetish.
Maybe that wasn’t the thing that made Aaron fall in love with her.
That was it. Because Jonathan Bennett liked the compliment and even placed it in his Instagram bio 11 years later.
But that’s off topic.
We are gathered here today to witness the latest events in LiLo’s life. And what you’re about to see will definitely give you butterflies in your stomach.
She failed to age gracefully.
And see that ring finger? Part of it was chopped off due to a recent boat accident.
Happy Mean Girls’ Day Indeed! 😀
Ever wonder how Aaron Samuels looks now? Check out Jonathan Bennett’s Instagram!
So adorbs! ❤
P.S. Photos are not mine.